


Hold Him, Love Him

by My_Soul_and_Perfume



Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: Adorable Tony Stark, Couch Cuddles, Depression, Feels, Fluff, Hand Feeding, Headaches & Migraines, Hurt Tony Stark, Hurt/Comfort, Insomnia, Kissing, M/M, Morning Cuddles, Old-Fashioned Steve Rogers, Panic Attacks, Picnics, Sweet Steve Rogers, Tony Stark Needs Sleep, Tony Stark Needs a Hug
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-03-15
Updated: 2019-07-25
Packaged: 2019-11-18 07:43:27
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 8
Words: 3,275
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18116369
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/My_Soul_and_Perfume/pseuds/My_Soul_and_Perfume
Summary: Based on the tumblr prompt: Did you get ANY sleep last night?Yes, there are cuddles.





	1. Chapter 1

It was late at night and Tony and Steve were sitting in the living room watching a movie. Or, rather _Steve_ was watching the movie and Tony was preoccupied with his laptop. They were comfortably seated next to each other: Steve, leaning towards one arm of the couch with his legs extended outwards and a pillow clutched to his chest: Tony, reclining on the other arm of the couch with his knees leaning to the side and the laptop on his stomach. Occasionally, Steve would lose his focus and he would hear the clacking of keys in the background. Tony had been concentrating on his work for so long that, when the noise suddenly stopped, Steve pried his attention from the screen to glance at him.

Concernedly, Steve sat up. “Headache?”

Wordlessly, Tony nodded. As he pinched the bridge of his nose and scrunched his eyes up, he closed the laptop before setting it on the cushion beside him. Steve took it, putting it on the coffee table, and scooted closer to him.

“Did you get _any_ sleep last night?” Steve asked.

“Zilch,” Tony mumbled. “Feels like my head is splitting open.”

“C’mere.”

Steve coaxed Tony closer to his body, guiding him down gently to rest his head on Steve’s lap.

There was a million things he wanted to say right then-

_Tony, you can’t keep working yourself hard like this- you’re gonna end up in an early grave._

_Tony, I want to help you buy I don’t know how. Why do you keep doing this to yourself?_

_Tony, you haven’t slept in a_ week _! I can’t keep watching you suffer like this._

-but he settled for just breathing, just acknowledging the fact that Tony was right there with him. He may not be able to help, but at least he could be there for Tony when he was crashing hard, like right then.

Steve carded his fingers through Tony’s hair and massaged his scalp, noticing the way his body melted like goo. It was bittersweet how this simple remedy of intimacy would always be the one that worked on Tony, while bottles and bottles of pills could barely put him to sleep. Then again, with a mind like Tony’s, Steve supposed anyone would be suffering this way. World domination, nuclear threats, natural disasters- the world would never stop throwing punches, and Tony would never stop bearing the brunt of them.

“Thank you, Steve,” Tony whispered, relaxed and pliant, with the furrow in his brow finally gone.

Steve hummed a reply and gave a small smile. At least he could give Tony this.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Even more sleepy!Tony <3 Thank you guys for leaving such sweet comments on this fic!

Steve knew they couldn't lay on the couch forever. It was getting later by the minute and his back was starting to cramp. Tony looked so relaxed, though.... More relaxed than Steve had seen him in a long time. But, the bed would be better then, wouldn't it? The fluffy pillows and soft sheets would be more welcoming than Steve's lap and the leather cushions.

"You wanna go up to bed?" Steve said softly. "You'll be more comfortable up there."

"Mmhmm," Tony hummed. He made no move to sit up and Steve smiled.

"I'll have to carry you if you don't wanna walk."

Tony cracked an eye open. "Fuck it, might as well," he rasped, burying his face into Steve's stomach and curling up tight.

Steve carded his fingers through his hair, massaging his scalp gently, before leaning down to kiss his forehead. "How's your headache?"

"Better."

"Feel nauseous?"

"A lil' lightheaded."

Steve frowned. "Did you eat?"

Tony shrugged.

Steve sighed. This was as good of an opportunity as any to get Tony to eat a meal. God knows he lives off of coffee and protein bars any other day. "I'll get you tucked in and make you something to eat," he said. "C'mon."

Slowly, Steve rose to his feet, holding Tony close to his chest. He made sure his arm was supporting Tony's upper back and that his knees were too before beginning to walk towards their room. It was a short walk, and once they were there, Steve lay Tony down carefully on the blankets. Tony relaxed into them with a sigh, rubbing his face. He yawned and stretched, pulling a pillow underneath his head.

Steve rubbed his back and brought the covers up mid-length to Tony's chest. He didn't like them any higher, lest he lose sight of his arc reactor.

"I'll come wake you in a couple hours," he whispered, leaning down to kiss Tony's cheek. "Then you can eat."

"M'kay," Tony mumbled. Finally, he was fast asleep.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> What do you say? Another chapter? Anything specific you want to see?


	3. Chapter 3

It was a little after ten when Steve decided it was time to wake up Tony. While he slept, Steve had tidied up the living room and made a simple stew for dinner. It was pretty plain, with only some potatoes, carrots, corn, and spinach, but at least Tony wouldn't go to be hungry.

He walked into the bedroom, carrying a tray with a bowl of stew and water, and raised the light switch from its dim setting. The room brightened minutely, but enough to make Tony stir. He shifted under the covers, stuffing his head underneath a pillow.

"Tony," Steve whispered, setting the tray down on the night stand, "Tony, wake up."

"Hmm? Steve?" Tony mumbled, his voice muffled by the pillow.

"Yeah." Steve rubbed Tony's shoulders gently. "I made dinner. You need to eat a little bit before you can go to sleep."

"Not hungry."

Steve frowned. "Do you still have a headache?"

"Just not hungry. Smells good, though." Tony lifted the covers over his head and sighed. Steve watched him curl up into a tiny ball and couldn't help but smile.

"C'mon, just eat a little bit. A few bites, then I'll leave you alone," Steve pleaded with a sweet voice. "I made stew."

Tony groaned and pulled the covers back down. He lifted his head from underneath the pillow, exposing his mused hair and sleepy eyes. He looked so tired. Steve felt bad for waking him, but he didn't want Tony to keep skipping his meals. He was losing enough weight as it was. 

Once Tony was sitting up, Steve made sure the pillows were propped up behind him, before taking the tray and setting it on his lap. He swirled the spoon around to mix the spices, and lifted it to bring it to Tony's mouth. Tony wrapped his lips around the spoon before pulling back. He moaned as he chewed, tasting cumin and paprika and pepper. The potatoes were soft, the corn not too sweet.

"You're a natural at cooking, y'know that?" Tony complimented.

Steve shrugged and blushed. "It's just a stew."

"It's fucking  _delicious_ stew."

Steve spooned more of the food into Tony's mouth and smiled. "Thanks." 

Although Tony claimed he didn't have an appetite, he was well half-way through the bowl after a few minutes. Steve would have insisted on feeding him more had he not sat back and sighed, rubbing his stomach.

"I think I'm done," Tony said. "Thanks." He took Steve's hand and squeezed. "You didn't have to do that."

Steve moved the tray back to the night stand before leaning forward and kissing Tony's forehead. He swept his free hand through his hair, trying to tame it. "I wanted to," he said softly. "Hey," he called, trying to catch Tony's eyes, "Promise me you won't let it get this bad anymore. You need to rest, Tony, even if there is a lot of work to do."

Tony sighed and bit his lip, breaking eye contact. "I can't..." He opened and closed his mouth, trying to find the right words to say, "I mean, I  _want_ to, believe me. It's just hard, ya know, when the world is kinda counting on you to get your shit together. Trust me, I'd rather not be like this either, I  _hate_ being this vulnerable, but..." He shrugged, shaking his head. "I dunno. I just can't promise that right now."

Steve swallowed and nodded. He couldn't say that he wasn't disappointed, but at least he understood. "It's okay, I get it. One thing at a time."

Tony nodded. "Yeah," he said meekly. Then, he yawned.

"I'll let you get back to sleep. I'll come to bed in a minute, just need to clean up first," Steve said, helping Tony lay back down. He leaned down to kiss Tony's lips. "Thanks for waking up for me."

"Love you, Steve," Tony mumbled, closing his eyes.

As he fell asleep once more, Steve rose from the bed and sighed. Tony wouldn't get better all at once- there was no doubt about that- but at least they were taking small steps.

As Steve took the tray and dimmed the lights, he told himself that was all that mattered.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you guys enjoyed this chapter <3 If you want me to write another, just let me know in the comments!


	4. Chapter 4

Steve didn't expect Tony to sleep through the whole night and hours into the morning, but he did and he was grateful. It was around nine am, the sun shining warmly through the kitchen windows, city life bustling below, when Tony stumbled into the kitchen as Steve was pouring pancake batter into a pan. Steve saw him moving in the corner of his eye and looked up, giving a small smile.

Tony shuffled to the counter as he rubbed his eyes sleepily. "Mornin'."

"Hey," Steve said, setting the pancake batter down. He watched amusedly as Tony crossed his arms over the counter and laid his head down, shirt pulling up a little to show a bit of skin. Steve reached over to card his fingers through his hair. "Sleep okay?"

"Mm, yeah," Tony mumbled quietly, his eyes falling shut. He looked like he could fall asleep right there standing straight up.

"I turned the coffee pot on for you, but if you want something else I can make it," Steve offered. Tony only cracked his eyes open, straightened up, and ambled over to the coffee pot. Wordlessly, he pressed the button on to make the hot, rich liquid pour into his mug, and stared right into its soul. "Right," Steve nodded, flipping the pancakes.

"Goin' to th' couch," Tony said. He blinked slowly before turning into the direction of the living room.

 _He's so cute_ , Steve thought. He continued pouring the pancake batter in small circles into the pan until they were all finished cooking. He grabbed syrup, plates, knives, forks, and orange juice, then made both their plates, and walked into the living room with them. He found Tony curled up in the corner of the couch with the mug close to his chest as he stared into space. Steve set the plates down on the coffee table before sitting down, sighing. He gently wrapped one arm underneath Tony's body to drag him closer, so that Tony could rest on his body. He was warm and breathing softly and Steve loved feeling his heartbeat on his chest.

It took a while for Tony to get caffeinated, but eventually he started to behave more human. Once he was finished drinking his coffee, he set his mug down and promptly began eating off of Steve's plate, even though he very clearly had his own. Steve huffed and grinned, "Really?" and Tony merely shrugged in response. Steve didn't actually mind because he was happy as long as Tony was happy, so he fed him forkfuls of pancake until he was satisfied. After, Tony leaned up and kissed his lips, tasting sweet like maple syrup.

"Thanks," Tony smiled, "Sorry for eating your breakfast though."

"I don't mind," Steve said, holding Tony's gaze. "You're adorable when you first wake up, ya know."

"Really? Thought I had a walking dead vibe going on."

Steve chuckled. "Yeah, sorta, but it was cute nonetheless."

Tony rolled his eyes. "Mhm." Then he set the empty plate on the coffee table and grabbed the full one and straddled Steve's lap. "Okay, now it's your turn."

It took Steve by surprise but he grinned nonetheless and opened wide. Well, he wouldn't mind being the center of attention for a while.


	5. Chapter 5

Sometimes the depression settled in again, and it was all Steve could do to cover Tony with a blanket and give him his space. He hated to see Tony- one of the most amazing, influential, charismatic people he's ever met in life- be so suddenly struck by something so dark and evil that it poisoned him all the way to the bone.

But there was nothing he could do.

All there was to do...was wait.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I guess you can tell what kind of mood I'm in right now. In Tony's position, in any case.
> 
> Thanks for reading, as always. Leave your prompts in the comments if you have any. See you sometime soon <3


	6. Chapter 6

Tony slowly, gradually came back to his usual self in a matter of days. Whereas he previously only left the room sometimes once or twice a day, it started to become three and four. He started smiling at Steve's jokes again and even made a few of his own. 

Early morning one day, Steve woke to the feeling of kisses on the column of his neck. They were sweet, soft, and as light as a feather. He smiled, rolling over to face Tony. "Hey," he muttered.

"Morning, blonde," Tony purred softly. Then, he began to play with Steve's hair. "I was thinking we should...go out today. Have a picnic, maybe."

Steve's heart skipped a beat. "Oh, are you sure? If you're not feeling up to it-"

"I want to. Come on- do you really want to spend all day in here cooped up with me?"

"Yeah," Steve said, scooting closer. "It's cozier in bed, anyway." Feeling the urge to yawn, Steve rolled onto his back and stretched, sighing contentedly when he was done. He always loved early mornings. Loved their silence, loved how the sky was always a drowsy blue, loved hearing the morning traffic at its calmest, loved waking up next to Tony. The past few days, he hadn't enjoyed those things as much. How could he when his partner was in bed suffering? Steve rolled over to face Tony again, this time wrapping both arms around his bare waist and intertwining their legs together. He blinked sleepily, muttering, "Are you sure you're feeling okay?"

Tony nodded, closing his eyes. "I wanna go out with you."

And how could Steve resist something like that? "Okay," he said, smiling, "Let's go."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys, been a while since I've updated. Leave a comment? <3


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Another chapter for you lovelies! Enjoy!
> 
> Beta'd by the lovely gabby277 <3

They showered and got dressed, then caught a train to take them a few blocks towards Central Park. It was bumpy, smelled like sweat, and there were hardly any vacant seats, but they enjoyed hopping from train to train, barely making it past the doors by the skin of their teeth. With a jerk, the last train pushed forward and into the dark tunnels ahead.

Steve collapsed on a seat by Tony, setting the picnic basket and blanket down, before wrapping an arm around Tony’s shoulders. Steve looked at him, smiling.

“You look-” he began but it died in his throat as he failed to find a precise word.

Tony only stared back and raised a brow. “What?”

 _Perfect, glowing, radiant, beautiful_ , he wanted to say to the grinning, gleaming-eyed man sitting beside him: absolutely brilliant, despite his mused hair from chasing trains and racing through tunnels. Steve wanted nothing more than to shower him in sweet nothings and put those pesky little insecurities at bay.

The dank mouth of the tunnel swallowed the train whole, shrouding them in a cloak of darkness; overhead lights flickered a timely death. But sparks flew and electricity crackled as Steve leaned close and pressed Tony’s lips against his for a chaste, sweet kiss. Like the sparks flying beneath the train’s wheels, his skin felt electric, and he prolonged the kiss as long as long as he could, until the darkness behind his eyelids turned to light once again.

Lips were shined over by a wet tongue, as cheeks lifted into a smile. “Oh,” Tony breathed. 

* * *

 

Luckily, the last train didn’t take long, and it was only another ten minutes until they were at their final destination. It was relatively quiet when the ascended the tunnels, but Steve knew that those horns, sirens, music, cheering, and loud lights only ever came out at night. There was something so lonesome about the crowded streets of New York at night, though, but he didn’t want to dwell on it. After all, he was hardly ever lonesome with Tony.

Eventually, they found a large, old tree with hanging branches to sit underneath. Steve unfolded the blanket with a sharp _snap_ and let it float gently to the ground. “This is a nice little spot,” he mused while gaging their rather peaceful surroundings. “No one’s really here.”

“Just what you and I need,” Tony agreed as he eased himself down. He groaned satisfactorily as his aching muscles met the plush quilt. Lazy hand met widening jaw as he yawned. “Alone time.”

“And,” Steve began, reaching into the basket, “Some ol’ fashioned radio?”

Tony laughed. “You didn’t actually-”

“Totally did.” Steve pulled out a little wooden, vintage radio and set it on the blanket, smug. “Thought this would be just some cheeseburgers in the park, huh?”

“People usually come and go in the blink of an eye. Don’t really stick around to have little picnics in the park,” Tony shrugged, but what he really meant was: _I stopped expecting nice things a long time ago._ He pointed to a bottle in the basket. “Is that wine?”

“Yeah. You want a glass?” Steve asked as he thought about how to tell Tony there was no way in Hell he’d ever leave, without coming on too hard. He poured the wine, watching the glass fill drop by drop. He listened to the music feel the air. Tried not to feel the sadness in his bones. “We don’t have to go back just yet, if you’re not ready,” Steve said after a moment.

“What do you mean?”

“Work. It can wait, can’t it? You can rest for a while. Take a break.” He offered the glass to Tony, who took it with gentle fingers.

Tony was silent as he contemplated the drink. “Maybe just for today. Can’t promise anything in the future.” He looked up at Steve anxiously, as if to ask, _Is this okay?_

Giving a small smile, Steve nodded.

They seemed to wander off with their own thoughts after that, neither choosing to talk about the unspoken uncertainty in the air. Instead, Steve closed his eyes and forced his body to relax, feeling the wind on his skin. He felt Tony’s steady breathing, heard the very alive heartbeat in his chest: not dying, not suffering, not in any pain. No, just a normal, steady rhythm.

They laid there for what felt like hours under the tree. When Steve re-opened his eyes, he noticed that the sky was pink and that the sun had descended in the sky. Glancing over, he saw Tony snoring lightly, looking peaceful in his sleep. Careful not to jostle him, Steve reached into the picnic basket to take out his sketchbook and pencils. Then, stroke by stroke, he solely focused on sketching the relaxed features of Tony’s face.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys, if you want to send me asks on tumblr about what the next chapter should entail, please feel free to! [This is me!](my-soul-and-perfume.tumblr.com)


	8. Chapter 8

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Beta'd by the lovely misbehavingvigilante <3

The melody of his heart was a strange one. Bumblebees and drifting glaciers wrapped up in thick layers of muscle. Tony pressed down on his sternum. Told himself the ground wasn’t actually shaking and there was still oxygen in the air.

Lowering himself to the floor, he held his head in his hands and prayed.

A mug was pressed into his hands. Steve, his bright, kind, blue eyes, spoke of kindness to Tony’s weary soul. 

His fingers wrapped around the mug, instantly absorbing its warmth, and his shoulders sank. Weary eyes closed as a soft sigh echoed in the silence.

“Thank you,” he said. Surrendering had never felt so good.

**Author's Note:**

> [Find me on tumblr!](my-soul-and-perfume.tumblr.com)


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